Damn It!

I lost my wedding ring yesterday. I'm so pissed. There are few things I've possessed for 22 years. It was just a simple gold band with our wedding date and the words "I love you" etched on the inside. I feel naked. I was cleaning out the gutters and threw down a clump of leaves and off went my ring. It took me until today to summon the nerve to tell my wife. We will look for it as soon as the rain stops. I'm sick at my stomach. All that's left is a permanent white dent left on my finger. My wife said she will get me another. It won't be the same.

I Don't Need to Know Everything

Just got back from my annual checkup. I’m convinced medicine hasn't advanced for 200 years. The doctors still bleed you. Yeah, their better at it and they’ve stopped using leaches, now it's fine needles poked in your arms filling vial after vial. They plug the holes with band aides making sure they cover as much arm hair as possible. Are you supposed to fill the urine cup to the top? When the nurse handed me the cup she said, “I want you to catch the urine in mid air, don’t touch the cup with your ‘body’.” OK, this is easy for guys; gals I just can’t picture how you do it and I don’t really want to know. Then the ass hole doctor went and ruined my whole next year. Next year Mr. D. you’ll be fifty so we will do a colon scope. I’ll wake up at night 50 times this year dreading this. Thanks, Doc!

Tan Purse

I have seen old men walking thru malls
carrying their wives pocketbooks.
Thick old hands clutching small tan purses
with gold claps that click when closed.
The old men fall asleep with their
mouths open in those resting area places
provided for this purpose,
only to be wakened for more money
from the purse or to move on.
Neither suffers indignity, she is not embarrassed by his nap
nor him by her purse.
both have found that loves means carrying small burdens,
some as light as as small tan purse.